The Emotional Weight of Waiting

When people think about fertility treatment, they often picture the medications, blood tests, ultrasounds and procedures. But what many don’t anticipate is just how much of the journey is spent waiting. Waiting for an appointment. Waiting for your next cycle. Waiting for blood test results. Waiting for the phone to ring. Waiting to hear how many eggs were collected. Waiting to find out if fertilisation occurred. Waiting to see how embryos are developing. Waiting through the “two-week wait.” Waiting to learn what comes next. For many patients, the waiting can become one of the most emotionally challenging parts of the fertility journey.

As humans, we’re wired to look for certainty. When we’re faced with uncertainty, particularly about something deeply important, our minds naturally try to fill in the gaps. We replay conversations, search for signs, analyse symptoms and imagine every possible outcome. Psychologists have a name for how much this affects us: intolerance of uncertainty. It describes how distressing not-knowing feels, separate from whatever the actual outcome turns out to be. Some people are more wired for it than others but fertility treatment tests almost everyone’s limit, because it stacks so many uncertain waits back to back, month after month. Fertility treatment often asks you to sit with uncertainty for days, weeks or even months at a time. That uncertainty can be emotionally exhausting. It doesn’t mean you’re “overthinking.” It means you’re navigating something that matters deeply to you.

One of the most common things patients say is “I feel like I’m not doing anything.” In reality, your body is doing an  extraordinary amount. Hormones are changing. Eggs are developing. Embryos are growing. Healing is happening after procedures. Your Stellar Fertility team is carefully reviewing results to determine the safest and most appropriate next step. Just because you can’t see progress doesn’t mean progress isn’t happening. Fertility counsellors sometimes describe this gap – between what’s actually happening biologically and what a patient can perceive or control – as one of the hardest parts of treatment to sit with. There’s nothing wrong with you for finding it hard. Fertility waiting is hard, and that’s ok!

People often imagine that the hardest wait is the pregnancy test. For some, it is. But fertility treatment is made up of many smaller periods of uncertainty. You might find yourself waiting to:

• Receive fertility investigation results
• Start your treatment cycle
• Hear how many eggs were collected
• Learn how many embryos fertilised
• Receive embryo development updates
• Find out whether genetic testing results are available
• Begin a frozen embryo transfer
• Receive a pregnancy blood test result
• Understand what happens next if treatment is unsuccessful

Each stage brings its own hopes, questions and emotions.

During fertility treatment, it can feel like everyone else’s life is moving forward while yours has been placed on pause. Pregnancy announcements. Baby showers. Birthdays. Family gatherings. Meanwhile, your own timeline may feel uncertain. It’s important to remember that social media rarely reflects the full picture. Many people experiencing fertility challenges choose not to share them publicly. If scrolling leaves you feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to step back and protect your emotional wellbeing.

Some people prefer to stay busy. Others need quiet. Some want to talk about treatment constantly. Others need breaks from thinking about it altogether. All of these responses are valid. Fertility counsellors often point out that these differences aren’t really about coping “well” or “badly”, they’re about which strategy actually reduces a particular person’s distress, which varies enormously from one person to the next. The goal isn’t to wait perfectly. The goal is simply to be kind to yourself while navigating a season filled with uncertainty.

At Stellar Fertility, we understand that fertility treatment isn’t just about procedures—it’s about supporting people through the uncertainty that comes with them. Waiting can feel lonely. It can feel frustrating. It can feel endless. But you don’t have to navigate it without support. Whether you’re waiting for your first appointment, embryo updates or pregnancy results, our goal is to ensure you feel informed, heard and cared for throughout your journey.

Dr Rachael Knight and Dr Rebecca Mackenzie-Proctor believe that compassionate fertility care means supporting patients through every stage of treatment—not just the moments when decisions are made. By taking the time to explain results, discuss next steps and answer your questions, our fertility experts aims to help patients feel informed and empowered, even during the periods of uncertainty that fertility treatment often brings. If you’re looking for personalised fertility care that combines evidence-based medicine with genuine compassion, we’re here to help.

• The concept of “intolerance of uncertainty” – how distressing not-knowing feels, independent of the actual outcome – is a well-established construct in psychology (Carleton, 2016) and has been studied directly in IVF populations, where it’s consistently linked to higher perceived stress (Karimzadeh et al., 2026, Brain and Behavior).
• A study of women whose IVF treatment was delayed during the COVID-19 pandemic found that intolerance of uncertainty was the strongest driver of their distress – more so than the practical threat of the pandemic itself – with the effect working through how each woman appraised the situation and coped with it (Mitrović, Opsenica Kostić & Ristić, 2022, Journal of Health Psychology).
• This lines up with what fertility counsellors see clinically: the distress of waiting often has less to do with the specific wait and more to do with how hard not-knowing is for that person, which is why coping approaches need to be personal rather than one-size-fits-all.